Down the Rabbit-hole

Jäneseurust Alla

“But you know, sometimes I feel that I just want to paint colourful pictures and not even think about what it means.”



It has spikes that are not really spikes. It has an envelope which is not made to send affectionate messages but to keep everything where it is supposed to be, to keep everything in shape just until it has found its preferred host.

It makes me wonder whether or not humans also have spikes that are not really spikes and whether humans have envelopes. What if the body is our envelope? What would be our spikes? Could certain behaviors be interpreted as spikes?



I think our spikes could be our actions. It’s the action to create a response of some sort. It could be just about anything. In this case, what lies in the envelope could be either the outcome of the action or the intentions of our actions. Then again, I’m still trying to make sense out of this.

I have these urges to go for long walks, but soon after I start, I get a little anxious. The weather is still cold here and I don’t want to risk getting sick. I have new good quality earphones, so every piece of music sounds new to me again. Mostly I am lost somewhere there. It’s the little things that keep me occupied.


I think we will slowly get back to normal, but I expect it to take some time. Although I also hear/read a lot of discussions about whether or not this is an opportunity for our planet and maybe will bring some people back to their senses related to travelling and consumption. I am not that optimistic.

It is there because some apparatus tells us it is, but in our core we are still in the same spot and only partially affected.

I just read a short article, which claims that while cells are performing their best in keeping us alive and doing their job they speed up like trains and dance and do all crazy movements. Whether or not this is true, I find this an extremely wishful thought. Imagine, even you sit still there is still something in you that continues to dance.

The empty chess table is surprisingly fitting. It is as if space gets eliminated and the usual space, i.e. a parc can only be occupied by half the people. I read the table in quite a new manner. Either the white or the black squares represents an absent space, which implement new rules for the chess pieces on how and where they are able move.



I am not too optimistic either. I feel that many people have set themselves living standards that are unnecessarily high and they definitely won’t back down from it. Also, what really bothers me is that the small businesses suffer the most and many will go bankrupt, while the mega corporations stay unaffected. It doesn’t fit with the overall mind-set of this situation which in fact could also be a fabricated one.

I like the idea that we have these small bouncy cells inside of us. I find it cute (yet again in an anthropomorphist way). I do think it’s all connected. We are mimicking them, and they are mimicking humans. Apparently something that we do works well enough to become a reproduction and creating this system within a system. This leads me to think how it all could have started. About the connection between the first life ever and the inanimate object or entity. Are we even actually alive or just responding to different outside stimulations that produce different actions? Maybe it’s just all a game with no players at all. In that case the bio-programming could be the set of rules.


I really dislike this focus on being the most efficient human that one can be and the optimisation of everyday life. I think humans are profoundly flawed yet not solely in a bad sense. I think there are great opportunities in these faults and they should not be belittled in my opinion.

In the parts you sent me I also interpret how everything is co-related and intertwined. That everything effects everything and everything is connected, just like an enormous web.

I have been very fascinated by tardigrades also known as water bears or moss piglets and the questions remind me of these magical creatures. They are micro-animals which live basically everywhere - they even survived exposure in outer space. They can withstand extreme weather conditions by going into an almost dead-like state called cryptobiosis.


It feels annoying, but then again, how can we hide that invisible elephant in the room.

It sounds almost like going into a cocoon to become something better or hope for the world to be better. I think that is one impressive survival skill to have. In that sense, they are a lot more developed than we are. Would be interesting to have that kind of ability to just pause everything within oneself. I wonder if they can control going into the state themselves or it just happens whenever necessary.


Of course I am romanticising science in this sense but it makes sense to me as I feel that in our western culture science is ranked really high. I want to include these kind of imagery or take it as a reference and I want to show how poetic science can be. I was reading a book about fish the other day and stumbled across a pattern. It looked like this:


I did only look at it briefly and continued whatever I was doing. But this pattern would not leave my mind so I got back to the book to see what it was about. I was convinced that it would be about for example how fish move, that it was some sort of scientific visualisation. I bursted out in laughter when I discovered that actually it was nothing scientific at all. It is a poem by Christian Morgenstern, who lived in the beginning of 1900. It is called Fisches Nachtgesang which means as much as night- song of the fish. This eventually led me to a thought that language in certain fields can be misunderstood or have their own prejudices. I also very much liked my false assumption that I thought it had to be scientific because it was in a book about fish.



These are certainly weird times to be alive. Sometimes I think back, maybe around ten years. Maybe because I was younger, but I never had this sense of the world being this actual. I was just doing my own thing, but now it seems like every small happening somewhere far affects me in some way. This is probably because of the internet as well.

It was supposed to be some kind of exercise of silence. It just makes me cringe but I really like this “guru pattern”: the way that he sits, the way that he has some flavoured water next to him, the way that he promises some kind of naive higher state of being. Are people really this lost in the world? Also about this guy, at least he doesn’t steal from other cultures to appear more “enlightened” and “foreign”. On the other hand he just appears so American white middle class and so does his audience in this video. But this is just one example of the many.


You can discover planets and be in outer space and emerge in total different worlds. I’ve already tried it out once but it somehow still blew my mind. We then had quite a nice talk about how it makes you feel little and irrelevant. Little and irrelevant but in a good sense. I have the feeling that sometimes I need to do something that “matters”, engage in the world blablabla and that nothing is ever enough.



But you know, sometimes I feel that I just want to paint colourful pictures and not even think about what it means. But then again I’m so fascinated by different technologies, etc. I also have this attraction of moving to somewhere in the countryside. Maybe when turning old and just not giving a damn anymore, like becoming a hermit. I’ve always wanted to be a hermit some day but never really thought I could adjust to this.

It’s like a fear of missing out. Besides that, I also have these feelings that I need to do stuff that matters. But shouldn’t we do the stuff that matters to us? These can even be the little things. Sometimes I wish I could live several lives at the same time.


Which way do you go?

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